This is Love

I will climb ceaselessly to create the journey

Within this world with you a blind hope

Still everyday I will try to steal the moon for you

To light my whispered lullabies

While I touch every inch of your silky moonlit skin

This is what I must

More than lust

In time if you would just

Let down your guards

Feel me in your soul

I will never ever let you go

My life has been revelry

Of something I haven’t even won

But know that every road only led me to you

True it is beyond everything else

The essence of you gives me a meaning

More than you know I am naked

With raw love aching these old bones

Since my eyes have laid upon you

Life has made no sense

I lost everything to realize

Nothing is as important as looking in your eyes

The depth and future full of tears and joy

I forever will be your boy

Working hard at being your man

Never letting go of your hand

Somedays I hate you have changed my life

Somedays I hate I’ve had to change so much

But how have I lived so long without your angel touch?

Were you sent to me from above?

So is this really love?

My Song for Her

I swim her sea of milky silk skin

She is a sensitive cat

I am a sensitive child

I waited for her to wander into me

I crave to open her up and crawl in

I ponder how I’ll make her smile again

Like she does today will it so sadly end?

I hope I deserve her

Her mystery echoes in beautiful forests

I find her trail sometimes where the sun doesn’t reach

I find beauty and streams that flow out to a beach

Yes her tears are many, but she is mighty.

I’ll search forever to find her ocean

Climb the mountains she puts before me

Learn the secretes in her spires

I am ready to journey

I like her shoulders

The shape of her lips around her tiny mouth

Her teeth and how she bobs her head back and laughs

Almost like a hyena

I am astounded at our stars

They shine bright for us

Stronger than those city lights

We make love with all our might

Are puzzles pieces fit so perfect

I never want to break away

Tomorrow is always easier than today

As our souls become more in tune

Unity

Send your love upon the trail to all upon you that gaze

They may laugh and torment you on your mindless maze

Someday they will learn the world is not so flat

When you come back around and find them all fat

Don’t mock them when they nudge at your novelty

Find peace and welcome them without sovereignty 

Learn and let go of good words just past them in the breeze

Let fate bring them to open hearts

Like saying bless you when they sneeze

A loner am I, as I never quite fit

Followed my selfish heart and wallowed in shit

With this know that I will never look past you my friend

Here am I with open arms

Lets lose ourselves and in the morning cry together

Pick each other up and mend

Tell me with those eyes where you’ve been

Show me where you once fell and what you’ve seen

We’ve all lied to ourselves and squashed the weak

We’ve envied the ones who blossom

And killed the ones who shriek

We’ve ran from success

To hide from the needy

The time is now and forever is tomorrow

Time to share our pity and ponder on the sorrow

Its what makes us human

Its what makes you come here

Its what I seen in you that makes me strong

Its what brings a melody and helps you finish this song

She Is Inspiration

She revenues my insides and rattles them only to relief my flow
I only want to meet her half way on that dance floor
When the eyes watch us and how we adore
Each other is only and we share
We spread the sovereignty in our touch
When we embrace we are too much
Especially to those who live on lust
Forgotten are the embers of early life when we trust
I am a loner and I locate eccentric souls
They dwell in strips on silent shores
They find beauty where those find bores
We are uniquely connected and concentrated
Share you energy with me my friend
Unlock our minds and together we mend
Forever we fill ourselves and our egghead we extend
I will be here to listen to you and hold you until the end

15 things I've learned so far about life at 34.

1. Sometimes you must send a lot of love out to “many” people before you get one person to love you back
2. Always give people a chance. First impressions are so often misinterpreted and sometimes second impressions still aren’t enough. Some of the most magnificent people I’ve met may seem awful at first. Some of the worse people I’ve known charmed the hell of me when I first met them.
3. I’ve come close to dying so many times in life. I’ve survived two near fatal car wrecks, been electrocuted twice, OD’d twice, been hit by 4 cars on my bike and I once was jumped and beaten to death than found in a dumpster half dead (just for a pair a shoes, a cheap watch and a twenty dollar bill.) Still, I never feared death until I truly fell in love. Today I find myself concerned for my well being the first time just as much as hers, because I couldn’t bare the thought of being unable to look her in the eyes and touch her.
4. Its never the drug or addiction; it’s the demons inside that person that makes them unbearable. We will always have addictions, sometimes you can try to keep them at a low number or you can be like me and try to have as many as possible, but hit em all in moderation – be creative with it. If you’re an asshole you’re an asshole when you’re high and when you are sober. I think that’s where your common AA goes wrong. Teach people to get over their selves not dwell on what makes them want to get high and put all the blame somewhere else. Take responsibility for your own actions.
5. I’m a total douchebag when I drink too much. Only get drunk when you are in the safe company of other douchebags.
6. My 30s have been a time for accepting myself for all my many flaws. I am very sensitive, overly emotional, sometimes self-absorbed and a big drama queen. Learn to make fun of yourself so than you start taking yourself less serious and people around you will appreciate that. Learn to enjoy when people take the time to make fun of you or start viscous rumors. Thank people for taking the time to even think about you no matter how much bad energy they wasted spiting you. Remember everything can be turned into a big joke if you spin it the right way.
7. Give and trust and give and trust. People are gonna fuck you over forever, just know that eventually down the road when people get over themselves and pull their head out of their own asses they will thank you in the future and maybe buy you a beer sometime.
8. I love beer.
9. IPAs are my favorite and one of the best things I love about Chicago land is the delicious craft breweries, mmmmmm – Zombie Dust by Three Floyd’s sounds delicious right now. Three Floyd’s is an amazing brewery - way to go Munster Indiana!!!
10. Chicago has the worse weather in the universe. We are out of our fricking minds for living here. No wonder this city is full of a bunch of drunks, but it does take a lot of heart I have to give you that.
11. Art is about collaboration and patience. Don’t push creativity. Sometimes I quit a medium for years at a time only to pick it up again when the universe inspires me. Contribute to creation. Stop claiming to be an artist. You are nothing without an audience… your work can be all shit and you don’t even really exist without us.
12. I love Nebbia even though you haven ‘t seen it yet, maybe sometime when you leave the comfort of your favorite bar, club, social group and neighborhood perhaps you can some see it and appreciate what my collective has done with the space, but everyday it gets more beautiful and we grow stronger together. It’s built on love for creativity and collaboration; I wish the rest of the world could be.
13. Age is always relative. I’m sure many people learned some of these points 10 years before I did, but I have to say these points have came so relevant recently that I appreciate seeing them now in such great color, but I do not regret my past – not one bit. I’ve been around, down in the darkest holes imaginable and up on the highest clouds, but I’m getting over myself and I promise to be patient with you until you do the same.
14. Learn to enjoy the curves of life. Horrible, unimaginable things are ahead of us, but if we learn to keep our hearts open – you’ll see all the doors that open. The trail of life has endless obstacles and everything will happen just they way it was suppose to. The most tragic things in my life have opened doors to the greatest moments and achievements.

Into the Nebbia

The job is at hand and I am still and swollen
My hands are bleeding and bruised
You are there and I have fallen
I am on the ground and your head grazes in clouds
The earth grows quickly and before I can catch my breath
Three years pass by and your memory is hazed
I am forgotten by you; my meaning maybe lost?
I walk but my steps are silent and the direction now mazed

Blood trails let me learn where I am from
Where I have been and what I have done
When all is lost maybe I am only one
Unsung, but forever won
Because when I fall and than find my footing
I will stand again alone and be... something
Something
Something!!!
I will create a world around me
Full of... Everything
Everything
Everything!!!

Hungover Myself

My eyelids are wet curtains 
They struggle to lie over my exhausted pupils
My bed is beckoning, but I am fleeing my dreams
Soaking in the day’s desolate scenes
Listening to the nothingness of my home
My apartment is silent and soiled

The lust to clean lost long ago
Does anybody miss me as I sit in stillness here alone?

Last night the Devil joined me for dinner
We laughed over whiskey and made plans for death in winter

My ambition drowned last night in a sea of distilled spirits
As I incessantly sipped the sweet bottle with sentence
And the fire of passion ceased to burn; no more
Forever I have felt so much more than my brothers whom I adore
They spite me and whisper their mocking so elegantly

Yes I am weak; yes I am locked inside the cellar door
Its cold and full of broken mirrors
My feet are bare and I walk softly, but footprints of blood show my trail
Sometimes I look back and scrub myself off the floor
But my cuts are cavernous and the puddles… profound

Help me sleep and not dream my Angel
You see me pathetically fucking myself
Over and over again milking myself dry
To kill the pain inside
For a mere moment I can just “be”.

-Mr W

Anticipation

Tomorrow is incessantly beckoning my mind

The weekly diversions couldn’t be more beyond my desire

Though I want them more than food

Here I am; you are many miles behind a faceless phone

Your words linger in electronic messages

When you talk about letting go….

Will you let me in?

I can only swallow my expectations and grin

When someday is today; you can touch me

I will only touch you enough to make up for time

Times when faces looked upon me; they saw my secret

Only in my head

Even tainted in mysterious mirrors

They, spontaneously juxtaposed on esoteric faces

Never did I foresee; which is what I always dreamt

Deep down behind my pride is a secret strife

So close I can taste it

Another life

I ponder what you taste like

Its hard to let go; I can only be honored you will for me

So far we are

Connected we could be

I wish my words might pacify anticipation

Once I ran away very far; I found myself

I left my heart there forever

Now dust dwells upon that shelf

Your island is a place unknown to me

Can I lose myself again there?

Maybe find something

Something somewhat undefined; always there where I never knew

Make You Hostile

You swallow perpetuated sorrow
It whispered from my echoing eyes
A taste of my angry lips and you are hostile
Denuding my child by deciphering the lies

Soak up the distractions and follow the actor
He paints you a pretentious backdrop
Scenery so shallow and surreal
In the dream you refuse to question the truth
The entrapping net you slumber
My covers are warm, but my bed is so unsettling
And the promises they number

You still follow me and await my finish
The line is down a concealed corridor
Locked and the key is an impossible riddle
So swallow my perpetuated sorrow
And let me make you hostile
Scream at me and call me the liar
Never let me drift from the task of solving it
Never let me float away in the mire

Waking to you

Pulled into this unwritten day

My eyes open to you behind esoteric images

You sleep and I lay silent

Watching the light reflecting

It outlines your sheer silky skin

As I pet your unclothed curves

and kiss your bare back deeply

Inside you I am always

You allow me to follow you in this sunshine maze

Walk next to you on a lonely road

Somewhere between fate and fiction

We write the words together

Your eyes open and I am real

They penetrate me and I am healed

I cannot let go of your body and mind

Without you I wish to never wake again

I find fulfillment in your embrace

I find eternity in your face

My past disappears in dreams

You are my future

To Tova My Supernova

I dream in esoteric nuances of familiar entities that swallow my perceptions

They take my desires and neatly place them in pockets

Tucked away in forgotten jackets left in empty dust infested cabs

I run after the red lights drifting away into the haze

Drifting into the night that lasts forever until tomorrow

Awaken in light drained bedrooms still deep inside the maze

Follow me there and I am captured by your moonlight

Even after the day has taken the dusk

I am forever captured by the star light glowing on your skin

Even after the birds chirp and tell me the coast is clear

Only as sweet and seductive as your eyes

They gaze upon me and I am safe from the sorrow

Filled up with warmth from the wallowing in your body

Keep me here and I am happy and I don't cry

I will continue to love you until the day that I die

Again and again to awake against your soul

Way beneath the barriers between us

I am weak to your hold

I think that I am one with you as we intertwine

My body fits you like the obscure piece of a puzzle

Only too old and bent from years and years of loneliness undearneath your bed

I have been beat just like you and we are only

Came together in the end when all has been destroyed we will find eternity

In minutes in decades, in light years it never will end....

Into You

Fall into me as I have so

Fooled by many other times ago

When my heart was young and love a miss

I would swallow my pride and disappear in bliss

To only learn pain and collect my scars

Wallow and forget myself in those infinite stars

Searching for meaning and answers to anguish

Needed something of some engrossing gist

To content this stiflingly sensitive soul

Reaching his hands out for someone to hold

When all he needed was himself

And notice the pictures collecting dust on the shelf

Old loves and people of the past

So silently slip away so fast

Every ounce of heartbreak

I before left sitting by the city by the lake

Their echoes haunt my halls

And I see my words still painted on those walls

Telling stories of my perceptive passion

For years I climbed dead trees

Searching for an enlightening breeze

To cure me of my disease

Help me let go... Help me release

You found me here poking at desire

Setting my bed on fire

Sleeping in the street and awaking to the sun

Searching for something stimulating, sexual or just fun

At the end of the day

You will be here and you will stay

When all embers of yesterday fade away

My sidewalk was clear and I was walking

Silence was subtle while the demons were skulking

I could hear their whispers and manipulating voices

Haunting my veneer with desperate choices

Diverting my focus and leading me astray

Until I found you and you showed me a way

That there is hope fo the bleeding hearts

From this trite and esoteric sea

I will love you for as long as you let me

Drown with Me

So I was once swallowed by the shine

A glimmer in your eyes

Suspended in time

Stuck

Touch me and I am finally reborn

Seduce me and I am scarred

Blinded by the desire to taste

You

Let me and I will follow you far away from the shore

Sink into the deep and dark

Forgotten oceans

Drown

The water is cold, but your skin so warm

My pulse slows down

I will let go of my

Life

My mouth will open thirsty for air

The rush of water will be infinite

Swallowing impossible I will

Submit

My lungs fill and soon will burst

Forget the world and yesterday

Reaching for tomorrow is

Useless

If to lose touch of the earth

Is to fall into an unseen lair

With you I

Will

To an esoteric distance I become a story

A beautiful arcane myth

Of desire only too

Unbearable

We become an eternal impression

When everything else grows sideways

They, small and insensitive

Redundant

We will learn to breathe under water

Grow fins and explore

The unseen

Together

We will evolve from this mortal state

Leap into this indefinite

Could you only

Imagine?

Once

I once touched the heavens
Felt the smooth silky curves of your body
Dipped into your river
Amazed myself in the my ability to keep my head above
Your tides are stronger than the tenderness in your eyes
They gaze upon me and I am drowning
Falling deep within you
Weak as an infant I fall limp
I can hardly speak
You leave me here bereft of manhood
Let me wallow in my own defeat

Withdrawal

To slip up to the golden clouds

Grow my hair until it trips my bare-knuckled feet

And picnic naked in the dust is what I lust

Find me here dreaming until we meet

Swimming away from the day

Dwelling in my bed

The comfort of this city has escaped me

Aching cold penetrates my fresh wounds

The sharp wind spears my ears and enters my head

Singing lonely whispers and screeching sounds

Will I ever evade the city by this monstrous lake?

My waning song is almost lost

My teeth have become loose

Cannot stop the hands that shake

In withdrawal of my freedom

Find me there waiting for a train

Searching for my ticket in the blue chilling moonlight

Hiding in the shadows of shame

Deprived of ambition

Begging for a free ride

Anywhere than this place

Rambling Souls

You think that you can keep me here and down

Step on my cape and than turn your back without a sound

Because you can see that I need

With all my sentiment on my sleeves

I may have lived my life until now surfing on fallen leaves

They blow with the wind sometimes far

Sometimes they fall straight to the ground

Many times I have picked up my bleeding body

And walked until I thought I was forgotten

Only to hope I’d find you before you vanished

From another quest to find out who you are

Over the golden mountains and into the esoteric wilderness

Mixed up with the runaways and the banished

Evading the pedestals and dodging the many holes of this great earth

You know we were never that different

Hiding from Despair

Secretly seeking the silent seduction of an unseen persona
I will skulk in shadows and hide in the edges of your vision
To be invisible and unheard
There I can let go and just be
Forget the ego driven disaster that awaited your appreciation
Pondered your perception
Desperately desired your reception
Awaited your notion to define me on this slippery borderline
Between sweet success and social suicide
Where I bade the incessant demons to leave my doorstep
They taunt me still and fill my mind
With regretful moments of the past
Sneak previews of what could be
All fantasies of what I will never ever really see
I could hear your whispers
You remind me of how weak I am
You remind me of how tragic I am
You remind me of how devoid I have become
So pathetic and needful I am
Will I ever smile and charm again?

Paranoia

Running for my bed to slip under the shadows
Warm mushy blanket engulfs my shivering
My hands tremble under my pillows
Their voices transcend from even so far
Their voices transcend to just behind the door

Sleep is just a taste away
My mind is still stuck on yesterday
Incapable of evolving
Still a small receptive child
Still a small-untested mortal

The mirror lies in their eyes
My charm washed with my lies
From perception of false innocence
Do I construct my own demise?
Do I construct the trap that swallows?

This the reason I ache in my bed
Trying to evade from the voices in my head
They speak of my disturbing mind
Laughing at my choices
Laughing with shifting voices

I think I know my enemies for one moment
Before my thoughts skip to the next atonement
Bathing in guilt I regret as I grasp my mushy blanket
THEY KNOW I AM WEAK
THEY KNOW I AM A FAKE

Never once did I ever do it right
Never once did I ever see the light
Forever flashing back to moments that I fell
Not much left here
I even lost my sleep

Figure it out?

Figure it out?

When my days are counted

When my dreams are forgotten

When my eyes look at today

When yesterday they looked far

Searching for answers

Searching for the comfort of success

Searching for desire to cloud the mind

I have seen triumph

Soaked up the smiles

Soaked up the respects

Soaked up the ego

Bestowed upon me from chance

A lucky connection

A lucky place to shine

A lucky ticket to premature realization

I have seen it all collapse

Fallen in the cracks

Fallen on my back and they laugh

Fallen in a hole and its helpless

Stuck in Chicago

I’m stuck here. The city that consumes is swallowing me whole. The land is dreary and the buildings are soul list. I am but one of many being exhausted of all ambition. I look to a future that is hard to see when so many doors are closed now and the hallway leads to darkness. Find me here gazing at a reflection of bare broken face bereft of all focus. Awaiting the tides to bring me back to shore. I am tiny and the strong walk over me stomping out the last embers of my dreams. I now lust for natural disasters when she frees us all of our misfortune and all our inadequacies.