Oct 6th

Sent her words of anxious pain
To only bring her guilt?
Make her feel?
To the extent that I
Unable to sleep
Yearning to die
Falling awake in a frightening world
Alone
Swallowed
Spit-up
Wish I was shallow
For the deep do not survive here
They fall here in the holes
Only as deep as their own
seas they swim
Searching for the unknown
To far away... is love?

The blanket is the same
Gentle hands tuck me in
I'm safe, protected
My body still pure
Before the world and I connected
Washed away my innocents
My desire for toy soldier play
I find this blanket with you
Here with you as our bare bodies rest
I'm innocent again
I'm pure
The child lives inside, breaths again
I forget the dirt stuck in my nails
Sick images I've collected over years
fall back into the closet of my mind
I can live again and look ahead
My days become brighter
You are there smiling back at me
Your hand reaches up for mine
Then I wake up