Rambling Souls

You think that you can keep me here and down

Step on my cape and than turn your back without a sound

Because you can see that I need

With all my sentiment on my sleeves

I may have lived my life until now surfing on fallen leaves

They blow with the wind sometimes far

Sometimes they fall straight to the ground

Many times I have picked up my bleeding body

And walked until I thought I was forgotten

Only to hope I’d find you before you vanished

From another quest to find out who you are

Over the golden mountains and into the esoteric wilderness

Mixed up with the runaways and the banished

Evading the pedestals and dodging the many holes of this great earth

You know we were never that different

Hiding from Despair

Secretly seeking the silent seduction of an unseen persona
I will skulk in shadows and hide in the edges of your vision
To be invisible and unheard
There I can let go and just be
Forget the ego driven disaster that awaited your appreciation
Pondered your perception
Desperately desired your reception
Awaited your notion to define me on this slippery borderline
Between sweet success and social suicide
Where I bade the incessant demons to leave my doorstep
They taunt me still and fill my mind
With regretful moments of the past
Sneak previews of what could be
All fantasies of what I will never ever really see
I could hear your whispers
You remind me of how weak I am
You remind me of how tragic I am
You remind me of how devoid I have become
So pathetic and needful I am
Will I ever smile and charm again?

Paranoia

Running for my bed to slip under the shadows
Warm mushy blanket engulfs my shivering
My hands tremble under my pillows
Their voices transcend from even so far
Their voices transcend to just behind the door

Sleep is just a taste away
My mind is still stuck on yesterday
Incapable of evolving
Still a small receptive child
Still a small-untested mortal

The mirror lies in their eyes
My charm washed with my lies
From perception of false innocence
Do I construct my own demise?
Do I construct the trap that swallows?

This the reason I ache in my bed
Trying to evade from the voices in my head
They speak of my disturbing mind
Laughing at my choices
Laughing with shifting voices

I think I know my enemies for one moment
Before my thoughts skip to the next atonement
Bathing in guilt I regret as I grasp my mushy blanket
THEY KNOW I AM WEAK
THEY KNOW I AM A FAKE

Never once did I ever do it right
Never once did I ever see the light
Forever flashing back to moments that I fell
Not much left here
I even lost my sleep

Figure it out?

Figure it out?

When my days are counted

When my dreams are forgotten

When my eyes look at today

When yesterday they looked far

Searching for answers

Searching for the comfort of success

Searching for desire to cloud the mind

I have seen triumph

Soaked up the smiles

Soaked up the respects

Soaked up the ego

Bestowed upon me from chance

A lucky connection

A lucky place to shine

A lucky ticket to premature realization

I have seen it all collapse

Fallen in the cracks

Fallen on my back and they laugh

Fallen in a hole and its helpless

Stuck in Chicago

I’m stuck here. The city that consumes is swallowing me whole. The land is dreary and the buildings are soul list. I am but one of many being exhausted of all ambition. I look to a future that is hard to see when so many doors are closed now and the hallway leads to darkness. Find me here gazing at a reflection of bare broken face bereft of all focus. Awaiting the tides to bring me back to shore. I am tiny and the strong walk over me stomping out the last embers of my dreams. I now lust for natural disasters when she frees us all of our misfortune and all our inadequacies.

Still Lost

Followed the path that found me empty

Searched for silent nuances in the road

Echoes that stimulated the corners of my brain long ago

When I was young and aggrieved

Running from the norm and laughing at the test

Skulking so terrified of the trouncing stares

Once I was wonderful and well pronounced

A symbol of something never implicit

Although how it imbued all that came into focus

I remember the day when I was young

For today I am old and so lost

My road slipped away

Still Climbing

Falling down is easy for me
Speaking from the grave
Screaming in my soul
Letting go

Its easy
I don't see
Nor do I fight anymore
Still I never close the door

Always open for the world to view
Look into my genuine facade
There the tear drops dwell
My head hangs low and my eyes swell

The world is wrapped in a dark mist film
Evolved to this shit from what it once was
When I was a child and curiosity was complex
Beautify was cheap and success just a reflex

Find me here now searching in the sands
Grabbing for the air
Soaking up the filth for days
Forgetting to find my way out of the maze

Keen I am to your misfortune
Even in this egotistical self absorption
We are kin and though you may have forgotten
Feeling is sometimes all we have